Before I had a concept of beauty, I had my mom.
She is my first imprint of what aesthetic is. How it looks, done, and felt. I saw its essence in the minute details of her flower prints, handbags, makeup, and her fascination with intricately embellished earrings.
We’re not collecting designers, but my mom has a knack for the finer things.
I remember her as a balanced and straightforward person. Her approach to style and beauty had been so too.
You’ll never see her wear anything that will tip her aesthetic balance. It will be a red lipstick paired with a sleek leatherette bag from Divi Soria; or her subtle coral lippies and jade burloloys.
She likes less that makes a statement and best translates that through her lipsticks. In fact, mom and lipsticks are inextricable. I never saw her go out without wearing one in the fifteen years we spent.
Whether she’ll be in an important meeting or as simple as buying our meals from the talipapa---she’ll take time to swipe her favorite rouge à lèvres.
I remember asking her ‘why,’ and she just raised her brow and jokingly said,
“Ay, dapat gwapa permi.” (Oh, we must always be pretty).
Since I was a kid, it was an everyday thing to see her have a momentary private space where nobody could disturb her as she looked at the mirror, mouth ajar, to color her lips.
Objects of Affection
In 2019, I organized her closet and kept what I deem her ‘objects of affection.’ I decided to archive them because they reflect so much of her personality. It’d be fun to show something of my mom’s to the next generation too.
My mom is a mestiza, so she often played with colors. From her signature reds and blushing pinks to warm corals--she knows her colors very well.
Some of the things I will keep for good are two staple pinks from her arsenal of bullet lipsticks. I’ll post them here to preserve their beauty before they fall victim to oxidation.
Pink Lily by Avon
Like any Asian mom, there was hardly a month without her skimming Avon’s brochures. It probably takes up 80 percent of her makeup bag.
The first lipstick is in the shade Pink Lily (N13)-- a soft and warm-toned pink with a coral undertone. It’s from Avon’s ultra color-rich collection packed in an intricate cardboard tube with orchid prints.
The packaging resembled a revival of Avon’s floral printed tubes in the 60s, making it extra special.
Make Out in Red by Avon
The other shade is “Make Out In Red” (N401), which is a romantic cool-toned pink (yes, it’s not red). Albeit the mismatch, it’s befitting of its name. It’s the perfect pink for Friday nights and your LBD.
N401 is part of Avon’s Totally Kissable collection, packed in a classic metallic cylindrical tube.
This shade is notable because she often wore something similar when I was young. One of my fondest memories was in the early 2000s when we bought a new film in a Kodak store.
The sales lady was testing the camera and took a snap of her exceptionally exhausted face from babysitting us that Sunday.
This stolen picture is now immortalized in our family albums. I told her why she developed it, and she said,
“Nami da akon lipstick” (my lipstick looks pretty).
“The” Rouge
I was supposed to have one last lipstick from my mom. It was a gift from her colleague from Japan. She wore it almost every day in her final year at the University of Iloilo, and I’d often steal it from her bag too.
You can say that we both loved it so much.
I was a teenager exploring the internet and remember gushing over pin-up looks on YouTube. The flawless winged eyeliner, matte foundation, and stunning red lips were everything. I’d be lying if I didn’t ‘try’ to imitate the look.
However, the red lip is always off. My (very) limited vanity kit and knowledge of color theory used to leave me depressed in orange-red.
That was until I sneaked into her makeup pouch because I swore she got a new lipstick from Ma’am Fernandez (hi, ma’am!).
And there it was, a black lipstick tube embellished by gold edgings. Inside was a gorgeous cool-toned cherry red that, for some reason, smelled like chocolate.
Until that moment, I never thought red would feel so good and empowering.
Every swipe was velvety and light, plumping my lips. The color also made me radiant, like the red specially formulated for me.
I’d sneak into her pouch to use it since then. Of course, it wasn’t left unnoticed because the product was running out, and it wasn’t even a month yet.
She eventually gave it to me. But unfortunately, I must have accidentally thrown it in one of the countless decluttering we’ve done since her passing.
But I was so lucky to find a dupe!
Magical Holiday by Kiko Milano
My auntie sent me some makeup, and I was thrilled to see this gorgeous lippe in the stack (thanks, Tita Ging!).
It’s a Kiko Milano matte lipstick in Magical Holiday (06). I knew I was unraveling something good, and I was because it contained the exact lippies my mom and I liked.
The feel, shade, and smell brought a whiff of nostalgia. I felt like thirteen again, taking my first swipe of the gorgeous red lipstick that ignited something addictive and empowering.
**Magic Holiday when worn
More Than Just a Lipstick
Thanks to my mom, lipsticks are my first taste in the exciting world of makeup. It opened doors to countless expressions of beauty in its uniformity and chaos.
Moreover, she showed me that it’s not a mere tool for beautification but empowerment.
*getting ready for her college gala in the 80s
Our life was bumpy, yet my mom went through it doing touch-ups in between. Everything may be going in shambles, but her steadfastness prevails whenever she puts on her lipstick to face the day.
Now that I’m older and have my fair share of crises, I understand why my mom never skipped her beauty time, no matter how hectic things were.
I figured that taking time to fix myself and wearing my favorite lipstick is the greatest act of rebellion against adversity.
"Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together." -Elizabeth Taylor
Applying my lipstick is a reflection of my resilience and self-love. I could have the worst ahead of me, but I'm still doing my best to be put together because I will show up, and I better look good if I face the bad. I can't feel like crap and look like one, too (balance, baby).
My lipstick may not stop the mental breakdowns, but it reminds me that I'm trying. That I can start all over again.
* my mom sailing to Manila hoping to find a job during a year off from college
Through the years, lipsticks have meant different things to me. It has been my confidence, a reminder of strength, a source of joy, and now an eternal memory of my mom.
She may not be here anymore, but her love and wisdom will always be alive in my every swipe of lipstick in this lifetime.
In every hue of glamour and tears, she lives on.
To my mother in her glorious rest, I love you, and Happy Mother’s Day!
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